Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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