i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
