She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
