My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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