Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
