Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
