i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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