were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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