I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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