Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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