I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
