i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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