Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
it was like having sex with a tree stump
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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