worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
