Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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