i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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