well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
it's great music for shaving your balls
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize