Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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