Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Terrible idea I love it
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
