hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
