i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
