I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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