Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
