S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
