I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
