Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
