The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize