I want to walk on stilts...naked
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
