highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
