420 ftw
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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