It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Alive.
So much puke
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
