Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
