FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
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