listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
