I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
