one two three fourrrrnication!
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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