you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
