my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
