In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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