So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We had to coat check the pizza.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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