This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
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