just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
