So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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