I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
