You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Non-Jews are for practice
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
