Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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