Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
