I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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