Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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