my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
