Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
