yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
