YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
