Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
