he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
