OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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