Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
