i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
