The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
