The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
