I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
