yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
