you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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