We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I love you. Go after that dick
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
