He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize