Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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