naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
