You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
