just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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