Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
