made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
