bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
