Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
