That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
